I knew this would be part of it…and I’d also forgotten.
Whenever I embark on a new adventure…even ones that I’ve been longing for…during the day I’m filled with excitement and confidence, but during the night the doubts and fears creep in. Today they struck at 3:30 a.m. My husband was awake also, and rather than let us lie in bed fretting, he got me up, made me coffee, and reminded me why changing jobs isn’t the worst idea in the world. I do feel better…now that I’m not lying there thinking of a hundred what-ifs about the new reality that is coming.
I haven’t specifically said where my new job is, so let me now. I’m leaving the hospital setting to work at the local junior college. It’s a beautiful sprawling red-brick campus, where I started my own college career, before transferring to University. I’ve always wanted to work in the academic setting, which feels like home away from home, and this position will have me working with the Nursing students, so an appropriate segue from health care. Even when I went for my first interview, which was on a gorgeous, sunny day, I parked on the other side of campus and felt the spring in my step as I crossed the grounds, enjoyed the energy of the students, and imagined getting to be on-campus everyday…grabbing a coffee at the student union, spending lunch time in the library doing research, maybe even taking the occasional evening class!
Is contemplating the future a writerly task? I suppose one might argue that it is. But living life is most certainly a writerly task. What do we have to write about if we aren’t living? As a friend of mine recently said to me, a life without adventure is sad and empty. It also makes for poor creative fodder. So, yes, there will probably be lots of sleepless nights ahead as I start this new adventure…but if I think about it, everything I’ve ever done in my life of which I’m really proud, or made me feel like I was really living, came with sleepless nights.
I’ll end with a quote that another friend sent me early this morning, and that I think will be my comfort and my solution in the sleepless nights to come…
You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
~ Ray Bradbury