Patience is not one of my virtues.
I’m waiting to learn the outcome of so many decisions and situations that I have no control over…the state of my current job, the results of a job interview, the results of the Story Story Challenge, the outcome of the mystery interview…and more. In some ways, it’s comforting that I have no control…and also comforting to have possibilities out there, swirling around like snowflakes or apple blossoms (depending where you live), destined to land eventually. Then again, in many ways, it’s agonizing.
I do try to live in the moment, focusing on whatever thing I’m doing right now…washing the dishes, typing an email, driving my car…leaving the decisions and situations to the great big Universe…not constantly checking my hair for snowflakes or my path for apple blossoms. But sometimes…like today…it’s near impossible. I can’t ignore the feelings of excitement and anticipation…the sense that something fantastic this way comes. And I want to know! And I want it now! I want to fall into a bank of snow, or sit in the middle of an orchard of blooming trees, and make the Universe tell me what I don’t know. But I can’t…I have to keep washing the dishes, typing that email, driving the car.
I’ve been in a foul mood all day, trying to be patient. Perhaps just saying so, instead of burying it, will help me regain my inner peace tomorrow. I’m not ungrateful for those possibilities swirling around; I’d rather they were doing that than not there at all. I know they’ll land eventually. I just have to contain myself until then.
A big part of being a writer…any artist…is staying in the moment, being patience…and persevering in both!