Today was the first day in a long time that I woke up and felt perfectly at peace and content. Why? Probably because there was no impossible application to complete, no mad rush to write a story, no where I had to be pretending I am more than I am, no one I had to prove myself to. I could just be. And it got me thinking…why am I so ambitious and what good really comes from it? Wouldn’t life be so much more pleasant and peaceful if I got myself a manageable 9 to 5 job, came home in the evenings to make lovely dinners and cross-stitch, spent all my free time with family and friends, and then, when my days were done, died with no expectations. How nice that sounds! Buddha teaches that suffering comes from attachment. Having aspirations and endeavoring is human nature, and suffering seems to be the human state. Is there a correlation here…?
Perhaps I’m having these thoughts because the creative well is dry…bone dry. I can’t work on another thing right now, and obviously, I have no desire to. I slept in far later than I usually do, and didn’t feel a twinge of guilt about it. I have spent the morning just listening to music and staring out the front windows. I don’t feel attached to any outcome, any path. Right now I’m happy to be in the moment and accept what simplicity the Universe hands me…in this moment, today, tomorrow, my whole life.
I’m giving myself today to breathe, relax, and think these crazy thoughts. No forcing square pegs in round holes today, or vice versa. Tomorrow? Well, you know me…