Today I’m lethargic…not just physically but mentally. I don’t want to do anything and my thoughts feel like they’re moving through deep waters…encountering resistance every inch of the way. Maybe it’s the fact that I need to pay bills, or that I have a box of work to go through (even though I’m on vacation), or because I’m going to a funeral tomorrow. Whatever it is, everything feels hard today…even writing this post. And it’s frustrating because I want to make the most of this time. I’ve considered soldiering through it…but I think the best thing I can do is surrender. I will put away all the have-to’s…the bills, the boxes, the presents…and do something that feels light and lifts my spirits. If I want to sit and watch three Christmas movies, so be it. If I want to spend hours working on a story that doesn’t need to be written right now, great. If I want to crawl into bed with my kitties and read a book in one sitting, that’s what I’m going to do. It may not seem like the productive thing to do…especially since the bills, the work, the unanswered emails will still all be there tomorrow…but I think it’s what I need to do, so that tomorrow I can re-emerge from these deep waters.
Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
~ Julia Cameron