A wide open Saturday is actually more treacherous to a writer than a busy weekday…at least for me. There is so much precious free time…and there are so many options. And that triggers a far too familiar struggle.
Thanks to my enchanted walk yesterday, I’m quite clear on what writing I want to accomplish this weekend, but choosing my other writerly acts has me standing at a fork in the road watching the sun get lower on the horizon and me go nowhere. It’s the old choice between desire and necessity…between what I want to do and what I should do.
TICK, TICK, TICK. (That’s the sound of the clock hanging in front of me.)
I should return emails (to those fellow writers I said we need); I should research literary journals for my homeless short stories (especially given a recent rejection letter); I should consider my obligatory reading list for the next month (not the “for fun” books, but the “must” books). But what I want? I want to put on sweats, order pizza, close all the shades, and spend hours searching through J-Stor and library catalogs, watching documentaries and taking handwritten notes, and essentially researching books I have no business thinking about until my current one is done and on it’s way.
Usually, when these inner struggles occur, I simply turn around and leave the fork in the road. I plop onto the sofa with a cappuccino or glass of champagne and watch a movie I’ve seen a dozen times. I make no decision; therefore, I make no progress; and Self-loathing settles in on the sofa beside me. But today is different. I’m beholden to this blog and the commitment I made to do at least one thing each day. I have to choose.
TAP, TAP, TAP. (That’s my forefinger on the computer key as I stare at the spot where two blue walls and a white ceiling meet above me.) TAP, TAP, TAP.
Well, if I have to choose…
It is Saturday, after all; the first day after a week of shoulds. If there’s any day to do whatever you want, it would be Saturday, right? And if this journey is also an adventure, then that’s even more reason to every once in a while take the fork in the road that looks more exciting, more interesting. Besides, there’s nothing to say I can’t return tomorrow to the fork and take the other road. And knowing myself, what is a “should” today is often a “want” tomorrow.
There! Now…pepperoni & mushroom or Hawaiian?